Whiny coaches (or: a tragic tale of woe)

Boy, I’m not sure if it’s something in the air this spring – maybe the lack of spring – but I seem to be deluged with incessant whining of other coaches.

I’m coaching an extremely young, inexperienced, heterogeneous group of U12 boys. We’ll probably go 2-8, maybe 3-7. But I don’t go crying about it. They’ll learn. They’ll get better, and already have. It’s non-premier U12 soccer for crying out loud.

Yet it seems almost every other coach I come up against feels the need to serenade me with his unending tales of woe-is-me.

Last week, I called up an opposing coach to discuss a scheduling issue. He asked, “Are you going to obliterate us?” I said I had no idea but probably not since I was going to be missing my three best attacking players. He interrupted me to go into a 10 minute whine about how he was missing players and how the reschedule date we were considering was better because he wouldn’t be missing players but that date had the problem of giving him 3 games in 6 days and… well, I kind of tuned out after a while.

Then we got to the field and were chatting before the game and he started in his moaning again. Even after the game, he was whining about missing players. His team beat mine 4-1. If there’s anything more annoying than a coach making excuses, it’s a coach making excuses after he wins.

We met again earlier this week. I studiously tried to avoid him in pre-game. At one point, he found me and started sniveling again but the ref came by and saved me from saying what I was quite close to saying.

“Dear coach, I don’t give a crap about your excuses. I’m hear to work with my boys. It’s U12 soccer. GET OVER IT!”


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